Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
