Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just pee around me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
