The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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