I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
