I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
