What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
