Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
