Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
