I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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