i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
