I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
