my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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