Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
