Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize