genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
