craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
