I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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