I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
