he wants to bone in the snuggie
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
