i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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