for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
