Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
