I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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