I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
