i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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