he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
