Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
