Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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