i just sent this text using only my big toe
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
