Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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