Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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