Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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