yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
