I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
nutella sex= disaster
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
