toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
