I look better un-naked...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
