Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
