is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
