Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
