If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
