i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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