Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He did a backflip because drugs
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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