I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
