Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
