pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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