You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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