we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
