Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
