I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
