anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
