Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
