Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
