Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
