if only i could text you this smell
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
