I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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