I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
