3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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