Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
