dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i think i just lost a toe
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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