You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
