I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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