are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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