so that wasnt chicken after all
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize