I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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