i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize