I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize