As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
